


Rising Flame

by Forever_Destiel



Series: The Ember Saga [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Almost everyone's a demon, Almost everyone's an angel, Alternate Universe - High School, Angel True Forms, Angels, Angels vs. Demons, Demon Dean Winchester, Demon Sam Winchester, Demons, Destiel - Freeform, Don't Judge Me, Emotionally Hurt Castiel, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, F/F, F/M, Human Castiel, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, I like Twilight, I'm Bad At Tagging, Inspired by Twilight, King of Hell Cain, King of Hell Crowley, Knight(s) of Hell, M/M, Mark of Cain, Men of Letters Bunker, Queen of Hell Abaddon, Souls, Twilight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-09-15 18:29:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 18,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9250319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forever_Destiel/pseuds/Forever_Destiel
Summary: Castiel knew that violent delights have violent ends, and in their triumph die, like fire and powder, which, as they kiss, consume...After learning of Dean's secret and destroying Lucifer, Castiel is content with his life. He has Dean, and that is what he will ever need. Until he leaves. Then his best friend Hannah steps into a more prominent role in Castiel's life as he mourns, Castiel finding that nothing is what it seems in his life when he realizes Hannah is hiding a secret just important as Dean's was - one that can jeopardize everything.





	1. Dreams

He ran through the group of people, sky bright overhead. He pushed through the crowd and didn’t care about the consequences, going toward his goal. He disregarded the fact he had left his coat behind; he had more important matters at hand. As soon as he had thought he’d gotten there, the clock striking noon, he emerged out of trees to see the field. Cas blinked and stood there, confused, his shirt having a few buttons undone at the top. Flowers bloomed and the sun shone through the breaks between the leaves. Cas walked forward hesitantly, seeing someone at the other end. The person was old and he narrowed his eyes. “Grandfather?” he asked, reluctant. He rose a hand to awkwardly wave and his grandfather did the same. He heard the crunch of leaves and turned to see someone coming out from the darkness, eyes black. “Dean? Don’t, he’ll see you!” The demon smiled and linked arms with him, the two walking toward the human’s grandfather, who matched their strides to them. They finally stopped in the middle, Cas glancing up at Dean for a moment. “Grandfather, I’d like you to meet…” He stopped talking, speechless when he saw how who he had assumed to be his grandfather copied his actions, mouthing his words. He gulped and saw the position of his arm, it being the same way Castiel had it. He looked at the man, breathing heavily and putting his finger forward. They met and he stepped back, realizing he was staring at a mirror. He looked down at his hand to see it was old and wrinkled; the man was him.

“Happy birthday, Cas,” Dean said, kissing his hand.

The next thing Cas knew, he heard knocking and woke up with a start. He looked to see his copy of _Romeo and Juliet_ beside him, his father walking in the door with a wrapped box with a bow on top. He came into the room and Cas sat up. “Happy birthday,” Chuck said, holding out the gifts.

“I told you you didn’t have to get me anything,” Cas reminded him, tilting his head slightly. Chuck shrugged.

“Mine’s not wrapped, so it isn’t a present. Something I’m giving you in celebration. Naomi got you a gift, though, and you didn’t tell her, so…” Cas laughed a bit.

“You and your semantics.” He took his father’s present and saw it was a camera. “Thank you, it’s nice.”

“It goes with your mother’s,” Chuck added, handing him the box, “we coordinated. Which is to say Naomi told me what to get.” Cas opened it and saw a scrapbook, smiling a bit. “It’s for senior year. You should document it, it only comes around once.” Cas sighed slightly, remembering the cruel reality. He partly wished it wouldn’t come around once, that he’d have immortality to document hundreds of senior years. He looked it over. “Wow, Castiel. Senior year. How did you get old so quickly?”

“It’s not that old,” Cas pointed out. Chuck laughed.

“It ain’t old? I think I see a grey hair.” Cas’ eyes widened and he shot out of bed, going to the mirror.

“No,” he whispered, searching through his dark locks. He huffed out a breath when he didn’t see one, annoyed.

“Happy birthday,” Chuck said again, leaving the room.

“How comical,” Cas muttered sarcastically. He got up and began getting ready for the day, for the new school year. Cas was worried and happy for the same reason. He would get to see Dean. As he drove to school and heard the announcement of how another missing hiker led to three presumed dead, his nightmare played in his head. It was his greatest fear. He wanted to live a long life with him, but he didn’t want to live it as a human. He shivered at the thought of aging, withering and dying while Dean stayed his young self. For a second he even feared Dean would move on entirely without him. He rationalized with himself that Dean would never do that. He wouldn’t… Would he? Cas tried to shut out the thoughts, arriving at school for his fourth year.

He saw his friends as he climbed out of his car, April calling out to him. Ambriel punched her in the arm and Charlie grinned. “Today’s the big day, huh? _Romeo and Juliet_ essay’s due.”

“Wherefore art thou, Castiel?” Dorothy joked in her horrible impression of a British accent. Cas chuckled and looked down to his coat, pulling out a camera.

“Do you all mind if I take a picture? My mother has encouraged me to preserve memories of senior year.” Everyone nodded and gathered together, Cas snapping a picture. April’s face fell and she looked past him.

“Great. Winchester’s here.” Cas turned around to see Dean’s Impala pulling up, the familiar and comforting purr of the engine soon fading as he parked. Dean strode out and Cas left his friends with a quick goodbye, Dean smiling as he went over.

“Happy birthday, baby,” Dean said, kissing his temple.

“Please don’t mention it,” Cas replied, staring down at his feet. Dean chuckled and rose an eyebrow, pulling Cas’ chin up.

“Your birth is a huge thing to celebrate.”

“But my aging isn’t,” the human murmured.

“Your aging? C’mon, Cas, it ain’t a problem. Besides, eighteen is too young to think about that.”

“But it means I’m a year older than you. Um, bodily aging-speaking. That was awkward, wasn’t it?” Dean laughed and shook his head.

“Anything you say isn’t awkward. It’s beautiful.” He leaned in and captured Castiel’s lips in his own, Cas silently reassured by his warm kiss. Dean pulled away after a second, their faces close. “We have to get to class.” Cas nodded and moved back, going to leave when Dean took hold of his wrist gently. “Someone wants to talk to you.”

“Castiel!” He turned to see Hannah standing a few feet away, smiling at him.

“Oh, Hannah.” Cas smiled and turned to Dean for a moment.

“I’ll see you in a bit, okay?” Cas nodded and Dean went off somewhere a few feet away as Hannah walked over to him.

“Hello, Castiel,” Hannah said cheerfully. She paused, Cas becoming concerned. “You’ve really changed. I’ve just… I haven’t become accustomed to it.” Cas smiled and shrugged slightly.

“The same toward you.”

“It wouldn’t seem so drastic if we interacted more, you know.”

“Maybe you should come to school here,” Cas offered, “and be around ‘God’s creations.’”

“No, it’s fine. I prefer the exclusivity. They let anyone in here. If anything, you should come to _our_ school.” Cas smiled.

“Thank you for the suggestion. May I ask, why are you here?”

“I’m just here to get some supplies. We’re helping at a soup kitchen nearby and they ran out of bread. It’s always nice to stop by on my way.”

“Ever the saint,” Cas commended.

“You used to chip in too, when we were young. You can come help sometime, I’m sure you’d be welcome.” They both smiled.

“Of course, once I have the time.” Hannah gasped quietly, as if remembering something. “What is it?”

“I forgot to say happy birthday. What kind of friend am I?”

“A good one,” Cas said before she could have the chance to continue. Hannah grinned.

“Nevermind. I’ve never forgotten your birthday after all these years. I made this at home and I thought it would be perfect for you.” She help up a dream catcher adorned with black feathers hanging from a wooden circular base. In the center, made from strings, he could pick out a star with what appeared to be flames around it. He smiled softly, the gift being beautiful. “It catches bad dreams.”

“Thank you, it’s perfect.” Cas internally frowned at it, hoping it would drive away the nightmares. They’d been happening more often as of late, including things such as last night’s dream and others about Lucifer and Amara… He shivered just thinking about it.

“It was no problem.” Hannah glanced over to Dean. “Well, I suppose you should be getting to class now.” He nodded and they gave each other a small hug, Cas not able to notice the small taunting grin Hannah shot to Dean. Dean only rolled his eyes and brought Cas inside once he had gotten beside him.

“So why does Hannah Johnson get to get you a gift while I can’t?” Dean asked as they went down the hallway. Cas sighed.

“I have nothing to give to you in return.” Dean smiled and shook his head.

“Wow, Cas. You really think that little of yourself? You give me everything just by _breathing_. Your existence is the gift you give to me on a daily basis.”

“Thank you. That’s very kind of you to say.”

“It’s the truth.” Before Cas could move the subject to anything else, he heard a voice call out to him.

“Castiel!” Sam jumped over the railing to a small flight of stairs down to their level, landing on his feet easily.

“It’s Cas.”

“I know,” Sam said, rolling his eyes, “but happy birthday!” He gave the smaller man a hug. “Here’s your gift.” He handed him a small box.

“Oh, thank you, Sam.”

“You gave me one hell of a headache. Now all I know is that you’re going to love it. You’re gonna wear it tonight at our place.” Cas gave a hesitant glance to the box now in his hands. “Please? It’ll be fun.” He noticed Jess looking at him out of the corner of his eye, then nodding.

“Okay,” he declared, “I’ll come.”

“Great. See you at seven tonight.” Sam went back over to Jess and winked at her, Cas furrowing his brow.

“Jess,” he whined slightly, “the emotion control isn’t fair.”

“Sorry,” she answered with a shrug and a grin, “and happy birthday.” Cas glanced over to Dean, a questioning expression on his face.

“Hey, can’t trust demons,” he said simply, then laughed as they got to class. “Trust me.”


	2. Celebration

A movie based on Shakespeare’s _Romeo and Juliet_ played on the small TV at the front of the dark room, Romeo giving a small monologue lamenting the death of his lover. While some of the students were watching intently, writing notes or crying, Dean and Cas sat in the back of the room talking quietly. “I don’t like to be celebrated.”

“Things could be worse, Cas. Look at Romeo. Total idiot. Killed his true love out of stupidity. I kinda envy one thing, though.”

“Juliet is perfect. You like the beautiful ones, don’t you.” Cas sighed. “Why you would choose me, besides my soul, isn’t very understandable.” Dean rolled his eyes.

“I say this in a completely loving way, okay? Shut up.” Cas couldn’t help the small laugh that bubbled up from his chest. “You’re beautiful, baby. Bright eyes and dark hair. But I’m more jealous about the suicide part.” Cas’ eyes grew wide.

“The suicide?”

“It’s pretty hard for us. All humans need is some poison, a sickness, maybe a car. A lot of options.”

“Why- why would you even consider that?” Cas asked, concerned.

“I thought about it once.” Dean rubbed the back of his neck, feeling guilty. “When Lucifer got to you.” All the memories flooded Cas’ mind and he closed his eyes in an attempt to get rid of them. “I wasn’t sure if I’d get to you in time. I needed a plan.”

“You planned to kill yourself?”

“Yeah, uh… I’d go to Hell and provoke the King and the Knights.” Cas didn’t know how to question further, the rest of the day going by smoothly. When he got home he opened his gift, finding a new trench coat and tie; the coat had plaid under the lapel and the tie now had lighter stripes in blue. He smiled a bit and pulled it on, and when seven came Dean picked him up. Still, he was quiet, mulling over everything. It was only when they stood in front of a large painting in what seemed to be in the living room of the bunker did he continue.

“Who are the King and the Knights?” he wondered, looking to the painting. It portrayed two men and a woman sitting on grand thrones. The two in the back held out their arms and revealed an ‘f’ shaped mark, while the one in the front wore a crown.

“They’re the royalty, basically,” Dean said with a shrug. “Keep track of everything, justice, all that stuff.” Cas squinted at the work of art and noticed two people lingering off to the side.

“Is that…?”

“Me and Dad? Yeah. We lived for them for a while. Dad was offered a spot as a general of Hell’s armies and I was a Knight for a bit. The three in front, I call them the Trio. Didn’t have anything clever, sorry.” Dean smiled slightly. “They didn’t have any respect for life. There’s a hierarchy and they’re on top. Below them are a lot of demons, including Crossroads Demons. They make deals with humans, the deal lasting for ten years until their souls are dragged to Hell. They only cared about that. Above all that they cared about the laws.”

“So they have to keep order,” Cas concluded.

“Yeah.” Dean took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I saw a lot of death there. There aren’t a lot of rules but the one on top is to not let humans - unless they’ve made a deal - know of our existence. Like if I were to walk outside, have my eyes black and teleport everywhere. That’s not allowed in our world. There’s another thing; we can't go to Heaven. Only the Trio can for business. Seriously, there's not a lot we can do that's stupid and yet tons do it. And as a Knight I had to help with the executions. I had to kill a lot of demons. I mean, they took souls when the humans didn’t deserve it, so I guess it was okay for them to die. At least to me.” Dean glanced to Cas. “Doing that and making them mad is a death wish. Kamikazee. Then we have to stab them with a demon-killing knife. Sometimes we torture them first. The death is pretty painful.”

“Please don’t talk about that.” Cas bit his lip. “It’s scaring me. I can’t even think about anyone hurting you, it hurts me just by entertaining the thought.”

“Cas, the only thing that can hurt me is you. I’m not afraid of anyone else.”

“What about Amara?”

“She’ll come around one day. Sammy’ll see when she decides and we’ll be ready to gank the bitch.”

“Dean, I…” Cas glanced to the floor. “I could try to protect you… If you change me.” Dean smiled softly and pulled Cas close.

“You already protect me, you just don’t see it. You protect me from loneliness and death. Even if I lost everything, if I had you, I’d go on. But it’s my job to protect you. From everyone… Except my brother.”

“Jerk,” Sam said, tapping his foot with arms crossed. Cas noticed he was wearing a suit, as was Dean, but they weren’t too formal.

“Bitch.” The brothers laughed.

“Okay, c’mon, everyone’s waiting.” Sam grabbed onto Cas’ arm and pulled him into another room where everyone stood smiling, the area around the grand piano filled with candles and flowers.

“Sorry, we tried to talk him out of it,” John said as Cas came in.

“Not like that’s possible,” Mary added, giving Cas a hug. There was a snap and Cas looked over to see Sam with his camera. Sam shrugged.

“Found it in your coat. You don’t mind, right?”

“Not at all.” Benny nudged Dean’s arm, grinning.

“Dating an older guy, huh?” Dean only rolled his eyes and chuckled.

“Okay, presents. Lisa first.” She held out the gift and Cas took it, observing the wrapping paper.

“It’s a bracelet. Sam picked it out,” Lisa said simply.

“Thank you.”

“Dean, get over here!” Sam called. Dean went over to Cas and put an arm around his waist, Sam holding up the camera. “Show me the love, guys, c’mon. Don’t make this look like a funeral.” Cas sighed, knowing it felt like one. Still, when the button was pressed Cas smiled a bit. Sam smiled and handed him another box, Castiel placing the first inside his new coat pocket. “It’s from Benny.” Cas shook it gently, hearing nothing.

“Already installed in your car,” he said proudly, Lisa by his side. “Needed a better engine, that piece of-”

“The car isn’t _that_ bad,” Cas interrupted. They laughed.

“Now here’s our present.” Mary gave him his gift and Cas looked down at the thin package. “Open it, it’ll brighten up your day.”

“Like it isn’t bright enough already with that soul of yours,” John joked. Cas opened it and gasped to see two plane tickets to Florida.

“R-really? Who’s the second for?” Mary motioned to Dean, Cas turning to him, beaming. “We’re going to see my mother! You’re going to meet her, isn’t that great?” Jess, who had been silent and was now beside Sam, grunted as if in pain.

“Uh, Cas…” She looked up at him, almost hungrily. “Too bright.”

“Sorry. She’s newer than the rest of us,” Sam informed him. Cas nodded and his smile fell, his excitement still there. Things were a bit tense after that. The party soon ended, Mary coming to sit next to Cas.

“We’re truly sorry about that, Castiel,” she apologized.

“No, it’s my fault, I forgot about it. I really am thankful for the present, though.”

“It wasn’t your fault. Trust me.”

“It is. If my soul wasn’t so bright…” Cas rubbed his hands nervously. “So my soul has absorbed all of the blood completely.” Mary nodded.

“It has. Now it’s back to normal and just as bright as ever.”

“But if he had changed me this wouldn’t have happened.” Mary shook her head, placing a hand on Cas’ gingerly.

“No, sweetheart, he wouldn’t want to do that to you, to damn you to Hell. He’d want you to take your shot at Heaven, somewhere the rest of us can’t go.” Cas knit his brow, realizing something he hadn't before.

“He doesn’t want to change me because he wants me to live in paradise when I die,” he whispered.

“Well, if it was reversed, would you take away his bright soul?”

Cas answered without a single hint of hesitation. “No, never…”


	3. Goodbyes

“Dean, _please_ say something.” Cas looked to Dean from the passenger seat of his car, the demon silent. He looked straight out to the road, then sighing.

“Like what?”

“I- I don’t know, that I should’ve been mindful, that-”

“Cas, normal people don’t have to worry about that.” Dean leaned back in the seat. “A normal person can smile as much as they want at their own party. A normal boyfriend wouldn’t have to worry that your soul will be too bright. A normal boyfriend’s friend shouldn’t have to ask you to stop smiling so they won’t kill you!” Dean grew angry, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“But I don’t want normal, I want you.” The rest of the ride home was silent. Once Dean had stopped the car in front of Cas’ driveway, Cas had nearly built up his courage to say what he wanted to say. Finally, the words tumbled out. “You can’t protect me from everything. Something will one day separate us, whether it be an accident, illness, old age. Well, as long as I’m human.” Cas stared down at the floor of his car. “The only way around it is by changing me.”

“That’s not a shortcut, Cas. It’s veering off the tracks.”

“You’re not going to want to be with me when I look like a grandfather.” Dean opened his door and went around to Cas’ and opening it for him. Cas stood and they watched each other for a moment.

“Do you really not get how much I love you?” Dean asked rhetorically. There was a pause.

“Mary told me. How you feel about Heaven and Hell. I don’t agree. Please, don’t worry about where I go when I die. Truthfully, I don’t want to die.” Cas put a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “And that can be avoided. I don’t want to die unless I’m doing it to be with you.” Dean considered it for a moment.

“You should go inside,” he said simply, Cas letting out a small breath in disappointment. Dean closed the door as soon as Cas moved, the two now beside the car, looking at each other.

“It’s still my birthday. There’s one thing I want.” Dean smiled a little.

“What would that be?”

“Kiss me.” Dean put a hand to Cas’ cheek and obliged, pulling away after a few seconds, their foreheads pressed together. “I love you, Dean.”

“Love you too.” With that, Dean walked away into the woods. Cas sighed and went inside, up to his room. He printed the photos and studied the one with Dean and himself. He frowned before folding it so it only showed Dean’s perfect features, and he then taped it to a page in the scrapbook.

* * *

 

The next day Cas didn’t see Dean or his family at all during school. Not at lunch, when his friends would be chatting but Cas would merely pick at his food, looking over his shoulder to see the Winchesters’ table empty. People would mill around it like they didn’t care about their absence. Cas’ day went by uneventfully, as it usually did without Dean, and when he got home he finally smiled to see Dean by the house. It quickly faded when he saw Dean’s stance, how he seemed serious, wearing his casual outfit. Still, the situation didn’t feel casual with the feeling Cas was getting, a dark pit prematurely settling in his stomach. He walked toward him saying, “Hello.”

“Cas, uh, come walk with me, okay?” Dean went off toward the small woods by his home, leading Cas along with him. Once they had gotten deep enough, Dean stopped by a large tree and turned to face him, not meeting his eyes. “We have to leave Kansas.” It took a minute for the statement to register in Castiel’s mind.

“Why?”

“Mom’s supposed to be ten years older than she looks. People might start to notice.” Cas nodded.

“Alright. I’ll have to think of something to tell my father.” Cas stopped, fear and anxiousness planting itself in his mind. They exchanged a look, Cas’ feeling of dread only growing by the second. “Wh-when you say ‘we’…?”

“My family and I.” A lump formed in Cas’ throat.

“What happened at the party was nothing.” Dean shrugged, still not looking directly at him.

“You’re right, it was nothing. Nothing compared to what could’ve happened. You don’t belong in my world, Cas.”

“But I belong with you,” Cas tried, hoping Dean would choose differently.

“No, you don’t,” Dean said with a shake of his head.

“I’m coming with you.”

“Cas,” Dean said coldly, “I don’t want you to.” Cas’ heart nearly stopped.

“Y-you don’t want me?” There was a small length of silence, Cas pleading with every ounce of himself that Dean wouldn’t say-

“No.” Tears came to Cas’ eyes. “But I need you to promise something; don’t do anything to hurt yourself. Not on purpose. For Chuck. And I’ll promise you something.” Cas’ breathing became shaky. “This is the last time you’ll see me. I won’t come back. Then you can live your life without me. You’ll heal, Cas, I know you will. You’re strong like that. It’ll be like I was never here.” Cas fought against the urge to burst into tears.

“Is- is this about my soul? It doesn’t matter to me, take it! I’d do anything to have you,” he said, his voice breaking on the last word.

“It’s not just about that.” Dean set his jaw, as if trying to keep something from coming out. “You’re not good for me.”

“Not good enough?” Cas questioned, hands trembling from sadness and desperation.

“I shouldn’t’ve let this go on so long.”

“P-please, don’t go.”

“Goodbye, Cas.” Dean stepped forward and gave him a kiss on the forehead, moving back. The moment Cas tried to look to him, Dean had gone.

“D-Dean?” He was frozen for a moment before running and searching through the woods, calling out to him. His voice and movements became more frantic and pleading. It soon turned dark, Cas crying. He stopped running and sobbed, sitting on a fallen trunk. “D-Dean, no…”


	4. Gone

Cas was a walking zombie when someone came to find him. He didn’t much pay attention when someone put an arm under his own, supporting him. He only blinked slowly as someone led him out of the woods, talking to him gently. He didn’t hear them, though. He only heard ‘ _goodbye_ ’. Nothing else. Just the one, horrible word swirling through his head. When they finally emerged he saw Chuck standing by his squad car with half the police force around him, lights shining brightly. “I’ll call the Winchesters again,” his father said, picking up his phone.

“They left town,” Metatron said from his left.

“Good riddance,” a man on Chuck’s right muttered, being his friend Zachariah.

“Where’d they go?” Chuck asked, worried.

“We’ll find him,” Metatron assured him. Hannah, who was biting her nail from anxiousness, turned and saw someone coming with Castiel.

“Chuck?” He turned and ran to Cas the moment he spotted him, the woman relinquishing Cas into Chuck’s arms, Cas’ father now helping him stand.

“He’s okay.”

“Thanks, Anna,” Chuck said, out of breath. He brought Cas inside and Zachariah nodded at Anna, Hannah shooting her a glare.

* * *

 

Cas, for the next few months, couldn’t really think. He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t smile, he just _couldn’t_ . The one thing that had made him smile had been stolen away from him. Maybe this was what Hell was like. What little he did was filled with pain and hopelessness. He didn’t know if there was much of a reason why he was going anymore. After he’d done everything he had to for the day - skipping his usual extracurricular or self-imposed activities - he’d sit at the chair he now had moved to his window, overlooking everything outside. He’d see kids run by in October, the leaves fall in November, leaving the trees bare, the snow blanket the ground in December. He’d try contacting anyone, mostly Sam. _‘Sam, I have no one to turn to_ ’, he’d write, similar to every unread and undelivered email he had sent prior, _‘you’ve all disappeared. I have no one now. When you left, when_ he _left, you took everything. I only see your absence._ ’ Sometimes he’d just sit on the couch, staring at the wall and thinking. He didn’t make a single sound, nor move. He saw no point in it. He felt as if a hole had been punched in his chest. The dreams came soon after, along with the screaming. At night he’d shout into his pillow, fisting the sheets in his hands. Chuck would go over to him and try to help, but the dreams never stopped. At lunch in school he now sat at the empty table the Winchesters had once occupied. In some sick way, he was glad there was the pain. It was an assurance to him that they were real. That _he_ was real. He couldn’t even bring himself to say his name anymore. Everything of him had been wiped. Even the picture from the party was gone.

One day he was about to go to school, hand on the handle to open the door and with his backpack over his shoulder before his father stopped him. “That’s it,” Chuck declared, “you’re going back to your mother.”

“I’m not leaving,” Cas said, shaking his head, yet his face was still blank.

“Castiel, he isn’t coming back.”

“I- I know.” Cas blinked a few times. He hated knowing that. He hated knowing he’d never come back.

“Look, this isn’t normal. The way you’re acting. It’s scaring the hell outta us. I don’t want you to leave, honestly. Go with your mother and make new friends.”

“I like my friends,” Cas murmured.

“You never see them anymore,” Chuck pointed out.

“I do.” Cas took a deep breath. “I’m going out tomorrow. With, um, with Charlie. To get books.”

“Oh. That’s good. Nerd night. I like it. Go have fun.” Cas got into his car and dialed her number.

“Charlie? Yes, it’s me. Um, I was wondering if you’d like to go out to buy things tomorrow. Anything. My father isn’t making me-” He sighed. “Yes. I can’t deal with him being concerned right now. Please? Cover for me? Thank you.”

* * *

 

‘Tomorrow night’ came too soon for Cas. He found himself walking out of a book store holding nothing while Charlie had two bags. “I can’t believe the score! Two for one, and I had the coupons,” she said excitedly. Cas put his hands in his pockets as she went on. He didn’t really pay attention to any of it, though. He wanted to, a part of him really did. But he couldn’t. Charlie looked to him, a sympathetic gaze that he secretly despised. “Cas, look, I get the depression thing. I know you need time to heal, but… It’s been months. You need to move on and connect again. Coming out here to get your dad off your back isn’t gonna do anything.” Cas looked over when he saw some people in a small alley drinking beers. “Cas?” He blinked some more

, watching them. They looked like the group he had encountered before when _he_ had come to save him.

“Keep walking.” He turned to see an apparition in Dean’s likeness, gasping from surprise and stepping back. “It’s dangerous.” As soon as Charlie intruded in the form it blew away like dust.

“Cas, let’s go.” He looked over to them, then back to Charlie.

“I think I know them.”

“They’re trouble, Cas. Let’s go.”

“Just wait.” Cas approached slowly, hearing loud music.

“Hey, sweetheart, come to join?” a girl shouted, waving her beer in the air and twirling.

“Turn around.” Cas stepped back from shock at another one of the hollow ghosts. He was about to follow its orders when it vanished, Cas then going in a confident stride. When he came upon the group he recognized no one.

“C’mon, blue-eyes, let’s party!” a man nearby shouted, receiving cheers. Cas was handed a beer and he held it, not caring that it was cold and freezing his hand.

“I thought you were someone else.”

“I’ll be whoever ya want me to be, baby,” a girl said seductively, sauntering up to him. “Have a drink. Have fun.”

“You promised me,” the ghost said.

“I promised,” Cas repeated quietly, “you promised I’d never see you again. You lied.” He opened the bottle with ease and he eagerly drank part of it down, the group cheering again. He’d never really had a drink before, stopping after half of the bottle. Someone had an idea to take rocks and aim for empty beer bottles, Cas watching. He saw the figure when someone was about to throw the rock in his direction, Cas yelling, “ _Stop!”_ They did but it only went away again. Cas shook his head at himself and partly stumbled away back toward Charlie.

“What the hell was that?!” she asked.

“I thought I saw something,” Cas mumbled, following Charlie.

“Cas, you have a problem. This depression may be turning into a suicide wish! You could’ve gotten hurt!”

“It was a big rush,” Cas answered, running a hand through his hair.

“You’re an adrenaline junky now? Castiel, you need help. You don’t get adrenaline from going drinking with people you don’t even know. One of them could’ve roofied you!” As Charlie continued scolding him, Cas started to form an idea.


	5. Buds

_‘Sam… I saw him. Perhaps I’m crazy. That’s okay, though. If it takes danger to see him then that’s what I’ll do_.’ Cas drove up to the house Hannah was now building, getting out and waiting. She came out wiping her forehead, smiling to see Cas. Her shirt sleeves were rolled up and part of her was covered in sawdust.

“Castiel, where’ve you been?” Cas actually smiled.

“I brought you supplies. I’d like to help.” He went around to the back of his car and to the trunk, Hannah following. Inside were hammers, pieces of wood, screwdrivers and other tools. “I hope you don’t mind, I saved them from the junkyard. I cleaned them, though.”

“I thought you were always too busy to help,” Hannah sighed happily.

“I’m not too busy anymore.” Cas glanced down to the ground. “And I’d especially like to help with the roof.”

“The roof?” Hannah laughed. “I haven’t even put in the first floor ceiling and the walls. And don’t forget about the insulation, not to mention the-”

“Please.”

“You know it’s dangerous, all this,” Hannah reminded him.

“I don’t mind,” Cas said with a shrug.

“When would you like to start?” Hannah asked, taking up one of the hammers.

“Now, please.” They went off to start, going behind the soon-to-be-house when Hannah went to pick up a saw. “Wait, that might be-” Cas’ eyes widened in awe when she lifted it easily. “Heavy…” Cas furrowed his brow. “When did you get so strong? Aren’t you sixteen?” She laughed.

“If you said ‘aren’t you a girl’ I think I would’ve had to cut your hand off with this thing,” she said jokingly, putting on goggles to shield her eyes from the wood shavings, “and age is just a number. How old are you now, thirty-five?” Cas shrugged again.

“It feels that way.” Cas went over to a stereo that was playing as Hannah started the saw, cutting away at the wood. He turned it off and sighed, wondering what to do.

“Castiel?” He looked over to see Hannah had stopped. “Why did you turn it off? I thought you liked that song.” Cas sighed.

“I don’t really listen to music anymore.” Not since _him_. Cas didn’t even know if he could even think his name without breaking down or going back into his shell.

“Okay, if that’s what you want.”

“So, Hannah…” Cas cleared his throat and she lowered the saw, turning it off. “If we’re going to be doing this every day then I suppose we should fit in some homework. I don’t want Metatron thinking that I’m distracting you from both your works. I wouldn’t want to come across as a bad influence.” Hannah rose an eyebrow and then burst out laughing, Cas tilting his head. He realized he hadn’t tilted his head to the side since _he_ left.

“You, a saint, as a bad influence on me? You must be joking!” Cas knit his brow, which he seemed to do often when thinking.

“But I’m older. This makes me the one who influences you, and you are the one who is influenced.”

“Not at all,” Hannah said, shaking her head as she took off the goggles. She sat down on a bench and Cas took his place next to her. “Because of my maturity I become older than you. Along with that, I know more. You’re adorably oblivious to everything, so it works out in my favor.” She grinned.

“But I’ve convinced you to let me, the one who has no idea how to make a house, become a helper on the project. That means I have influenced you since you are naive,” Cas countered. Hannah rolled her eyes, taking out a notepad and a pencil from where it had been placed in the slot between her ear and head.

“Where do we stand? I’ll keep track.”

“Alright, I’m thirty, you’re twenty-eight.” Hannah wrote it down, then looked up when someone called for her.

“Hey, Hannah!” Cas saw two people he had never met walk in. “Who’s this?”

“This is Castiel, but call him Cas,” Hannah informed them, allowing Cas to stay quiet, “this is Gabriel, call him Gabe.” She pointed to the one with a lollipop in his mouth. “And this is Gadreel.” She then pointed to the second one who stood almost stoically.

“So the inexperienced-house-building story is true,” Gabe confirmed. Cas wondered how they had heard so fast.

“Yes. I wanted to assist. Specifically with the roof.”

“What about the part where you’re her boyfriend?” Everything went silent at that.

“We’re friends, actually,” Cas told them. Gadreel elbowed Gabe’s side.

“Friend-zoned, huh?”

“Actually,” Hannah said, standing, “I said he’s a man and my friend. Not both put together in a romantic context.”

“Do you remember her saying that?” Gadreel asked.

“Nope,” Gabe said simply.

“You’re my boyfriend?” Hannah said in a kidding tone, “how lucky I am!” The three laughed, Cas shocked for a second before smiling nervously.

“Then Cassie’s my brother,” Gabe declared.

“No, he’s mine,” Gadreel protested. The two began to fight in a friendly way, Cas and Hannah laughing.

“I bet five dollars on Gabriel,” Hannah said, motioning to him. He now was stuck in a headlock.

“You’re on.” Days went by and Cas continued to help fix the house. It soon became more than support beams and hollow walls, and although they were only two teenagers, the small two-story house was easy for them to manage. Cas actually found himself smiling and laughing around Hannah, something he hadn’t been able to do for a while.

‘ _Sam, I still wish you were all here. I want to tell you about Hannah. She makes me feel better… alive. The hole in my heart, when I’m with her, feels healed._ ’ The two were talking again, walking out of a hard day’s work. Now that the majority of the house was done, Cas was hoping to get to the roof soon. “I’m pretty sure that Gabriel is forming a ‘big brother obsession’ complex around you.”

“Oh?” Cas shrugged. “I am younger than him, so I suppose it’s fine.” Hannah paused and thought.

“Why are you so concerned with age? I could see that the younger Winchester brother was like a brother to you. Well, from what little I saw.” She chuckled in what sounded like an anxious way. “How old was he?” Cas was silent as he got to his car. ‘ _But even she can’t keep the dreams away._ ’

Every night, especially that night, Cas would be stuck in a dream, a nightmare, and would scream until his voice was raw. Chuck ran in and shook his shoulder, trying to wake him up. “Castiel, hey, wake up, it’s okay.” Cas’ breathing was heavy and his throat hurt as he sat up, seeing his father in the dim light. “I thought it was starting to work,” Chuck sighed, motioning to the dream catcher now positioned beside his bed. Cas nodded slightly. “Can I ask you something?” Cas nodded again. “Being with Hannah seems to take your mind off everything. Sometimes you gotta love what’s good for you. Right? Well, what would I know, I’m a bachelor again. Okay, sleep now.” Cas laid down and pulled the pillow against him, swallowing to try to ease his aching throat. “Goodnight, Castiel.” Chuck left the room, Cas mulling over his advice.


	6. Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about no post from yesterday! It was my birthday.

Cas was driving his car toward the house, which was nearly finished, Hannah in the passenger seat. “If I told you I couldn’t complete this house, or something came up that I couldn’t repair, what would you say?”

Cas glanced at her. “Why would you doubt yourself? You’re very good at what you do.”

“Thank you, I was just wondering.” Hannah smiled. “But what if I really couldn’t?”

“Then I would think it’s a tragedy, but we’d find something else to do.” Hannah nodded. Cas noticed someone a few blocks away doing what appeared to be fighting. “Is that Michael?”

“Yes, along with his group.” Cas saw a punch being thrown and someone fell to the ground.

“D-did you see that?” he asked, worried as he pulled over and stopped the car.

“They’re not fighting against each other, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Hannah assured him, “they’re fighting together. Michael leads this small band of crime-fighters, going after robbers and such. It’s very heroic and courageous, of course, but it’s also quite reckless.”

“Reckless?” Cas wondered, intrigued.

“Yes. Usually they go against people without weapons, but you may notice the glint of a knife. Michael is very cautious, but Anna-” She pointed to a redhead. “-prefers to show off.” Cas thought about it for a second.

“You seem to have a problem with her. Anna, I mean.”

“She thinks she’s in charge, that’s all. Gabriel used to call her the stick in everyone’s asses. Look at him now.” She pointed to him, who was right next to Anna munching on a candybar.

“He’s different now… What happened to him?”

“Well, he missed some days of school and then he started following Michael around. Unfortunately, Michael and Anna are both ‘leaders’, so they tended to follow Anna. The same happened to Gadreel and the others. And Anna keeps giving me this look like she’s waiting for me to do something.”

“Why not just avoid her?”

“I try,” Hannah said with a nod. Cas once again started the engine and drove them to the house, ready to do the roof. Cas smiled as he took up his hammer and climbed the ladder, Hannah following after him. “You know what to do, right?”

“Yes, Hannah, I’m not a stranger to working on houses or things like them.” Cas shivered when he remembered the barn, the fire, the pain… He found his breathing had sped up when he thought about it. He shook his head to rid himself of the memory. “Should we get started?”

“Yes, be careful.” Working on the roof went by perfectly for the most part. When Cas had moved on to near the bottom of the roof, part of him nearly dangling over it, he heard the voice again.

“Cas, stop.” He looked up but didn’t see the figure anywhere, guessing it must have disappeared. He sighed, continuing his task.

“Are you okay, Castiel?” Hannah asked.

“Yes, I’m fine.” Cas gasped when he saw it again.

“Cas, this is dangerous.” His foot slipped and he scrambled to hold on, his fingers failing him as he fell. Luckily for him the house wasn’t too high and he landed on a tarp. Still, he groaned and felt pain, seeing his hand was bleeding from attempting not to fall. Hannah nearly jumped off the roof herself to get to him, coming to kneel next to Cas.

“Are you alright? Your hand…” Hannah reached into her pocket and found a rag and some tape, putting it against the wound and tying it on. “Is the other one okay?”

“It-it’s fine,” he said, sitting up and holding his head.

“You’re not building any more houses, understand? Well, at least not the roof.”

“I’m sorry,” he muttered.

“You’re apologizing for bleeding?” Cas stared down at the blue tarp underneath him. He was truly apologizing for what his soul must’ve looked like; how maybe it grew dim because of how scared he had been, yet how bright it could’ve been when he saw _him_.

“I- I suppose I am.” He looked up at Hannah and smiled. “You’ve become so beautiful.” She blushed.

“You really must have hit your head,” she joked with a half-smile. “Come on, I’ll get you home.”

* * *

 

Cas walked into lunch, tray in hand. His friends were laughing as he stood near his new table, the old table _they_ had once sat in, and overheard their conversation. “It was like this weird, I don’t know… It was this creature with light surrounding it, and it had wings and something that looked like a dagger. It was friggin’ scary,” Dorothy told them.

“Maybe it was an alien or something,” Ambriel offered. Cas passed his new table and went to the one where his friends were talking, sitting across from Kevin. Everyone looked at him, shocked, as Cas slowly took a bite of his sandwich and listened.

“I don’t think it was real,” April said with a shrug, “Dory just wants attention.” Dorothy smacked her arm and April rubbed it in a silent defiance, giving her a glare.

“No, it is,” Cas chimed in quietly, putting down his lunch, “father’s been getting reports of odd animals at the station. Well, if it even is an animal. Five hikers were killed. They can’t find what did it.” Dorothy and Ambriel smiled triumphantly.

“Don’t doubt my girlfriend,” Kevin and Charlie managed to say at the same time, both laughing afterward. April turned to Cas, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“So Cas is back?” Cas nodded.

“I guess so.”

“Welcome back, then.” April smiled, attempting to be cute. “Now that you’re talking again, eating - you’re so skinny now, you _need_ to eat - I was wondering if you wanted to see a movie. With me.” Cas blinked a few times, deep in thought.

“Alright.”

“Cool.” April grinned. “We could see a romantic comedy.”

“No, not romantic…” Cas tried not to let his sadness show. “Maybe an action movie. That sounds fun. Fighting and adrenaline.”

“Yeah, sure. I just thought you’d, y’know,” April said vaguely, though Cas knew what it meant. He deflected the inadvertent question by changing the subject.

“Maybe we should get more people to come along.” He turned to everyone else. “Do any of you want to come see an action movie?”

“Which one?” Charlie asked. Cas’ stomach turned to knots.

“Um… I don’t know. Any of them, really.”

“Sure!”

“Movie night with Cas,” Ambriel added cheerfully. April sighed and put her chin in her hand, elbow on the table as she drummed her fingers in annoyance. Cas couldn’t help but notice the small action and remembered the glint of _his_ ring. He closed his eyes and nodded gently.

“Everyone it is, then.”


	7. Tattoo

April stood by the movie theater and waited with her hands in her pockets, leaning against the wall. Many people moved around on the busy street and she looked to Hannah, someone Cas had brought along. “Do you like action movies?” Hannah asked suddenly. April shrugged.

“To be honest, no.”

“I heard this movie isn’t all that good. I think we should go get tattoos, actually,” Hannah casually added. April’s eyes widened and she chuckled from surprise.

“Are you even old enough to get a tat? Without adult supervision?”

“I’m allowed to,” Hannah said, folding her arms. “And for your information, I’m older than I appear.”

“Yeah, sure.” Before a small silence could spread between them, Cas walked up with his hands in his pockets. 

“Unfortunately, the others couldn’t come. Charlie has the flu and Dorothy is taking care of her, and Ambriel and Kevin are studying. And, well…” Cas sighed softly. “The tickets were sold out.”

“It’s fine,” April said with a nod. “Hannah and I were talking about getting tats. You in?”

“Tattoos?” Cas looked to Hannah, curious, her only nodding slightly in response. “I need to ask my father-”

“No need.” Hannah smiled. “I called ahead and he said it was fine. He said, and quote, ‘just put it somewhere where Naomi won’t see it.’” Cas narrowed his eyes and stared at his shoes, thinking. He decided that maybe it’d be a rush, maybe even… dangerous. He looked back up and smiled.

“Yes, of course. It sounds fun.” April rolled her eyes and was forced to agree as they quickly went to the nearby tattoo parlor. Inside a few people were positioned in chairs, getting tattoos in various places and all having their faces revealing pain. Castiel swallowed, wondering if it was a good idea in the first place. Still, he went on, going up to the counter. The girl behind the counter smiled and looked him over.

“Hey, cutie-pie,” she said in a sweet and childish tone, “want a tattoo?”

“Yes, please.” He turned to Hannah and April.

“I’m fine,” Hannah said simply. April shook her head, smiling nervously.

“I’m good too, I can just watch.” Cas turned back to the woman and nodded.

“It’s just me.”

“Great! Now you have to pick a design, here.” She went to reach for a book when Hannah stopped her, pulling out a paper from her pocket. Inside was a sketch of the star surrounded by fire like the one on the dreamcatcher. She held it up and showed the woman.

“I’d like to get him this one. I’ll pay, of course.” She handed Cas the paper and he looked it over. “Is this okay?” Cas observed it for a moment, getting an odd feeling from it. To him, though, it looked beautiful.

“Yes, it is.” The woman took it and grinned.

“It’s gorgeous. Where do you want it?”

“Um…” Cas looked himself over. He needed somewhere concealable… “Under my collarbone on the left side of my chest, please.” April and Hannah appeared shocked at the statement. The woman brought him to a chair and he took off his coat, undoing the first few buttons of his shirt. He laid back and took a deep, composed breath. He then looked to the girls and smiled. “This seems much more exciting than a movie, don’t you think?”

“Um, yeah,” April nearly squeaked. A man came out moments later with a copy of the drawing, sitting down beside Cas.

“Chest, right?” He pointed to the area under the collarbone on the left side, above the heart. Cas nodded and he pressed the template to the area, Hannah pulling up chairs for her and April. Hannah seemed very laid back at the moment while April fidgeted. Once the man had pulled away the template, he picked up his needle. “Want me to fill it in with black?”

“Yes, please.” Cas tried to relax as the needle buzzed loudly. He winced when it touched his skin and he attempted to disregard the pain. It took about thirty minutes to an hour he guessed - he wasn’t keeping time, really, he didn’t know how these things worked - to get the outlines before he started filling it in. April looked to be uncomfortable the entire time, Hannah just watching, waiting. When the majority of it was done April shot out of her chair.

“I can’t watch this anymore, I’m sorry.” She went outside and Cas let out a disappointed breath, looking up to the ceiling. He didn’t very much care that April had left, he was only mad that  _ he _ hadn’t appeared. He flinched again at the needle and Hannah took his hand in hers, smiling kindly.

“Could she be any more of a chicken?” she asked, getting a small laugh out of Cas. “You should wait for someone with more bravery, even if it is just to see you get a tattoo. Someone who could laugh along with you even in the worst of circumstances or would stay with you even if they didn’t like what was happening.”

He nodded. “I’ll keep my eye open for that.” Finally the tattoo was done in all its glory, Hannah paying the woman and the two leaving. “Maybe she has the flu? It goes around quite quickly.” Cas noticed their hands were still linked and narrowed his eyes at them. Hannah let go and glanced to the ground.

“I can’t hold your hand?” she asked, sounding dejected. Cas shook his head to the point where it nearly gave him a headache.

“Of course you can! I’m sorry.” Cas noted that he had forgotten to fix his buttons, catching Hannah staring intently when he put them back together, concealing the now reddened skin. “I just think it may mean something a bit different to you, that’s all.” Hannah pouted, thinking.

“Then be honest with me, Castiel. You do… have affection for me, right?” Cas nodded. “And you think I’m beautiful.”

“H-Hannah, please, let’s not talk about this.” Cas spotted a nearby bench and he sat down, Hannah pacing next to him. She finally sighed and sat herself.

“Why?” Cas looked into his lap.

“Because I’m afraid this may ruin everything. And I do need you.” She shrugged, realizing the situation.

“I’m not going to give up on you. I have a lot of time.”

“I don’t want you to. I just don’t want you to go anywhere.” Hannah looked at him in disbelief. “Yes, I- I know it’s a selfish thing, completely and utterly vain, but… I can’t be fixed, or built.” There was a pause.

“And this is because of him, I take it?” Cas kept silent. “I understand what he did to you. But, Castiel, I would never hurt you. I swear it. I will never let you down. You can take my word for it.” Cas nodded and took a deep breath, the pair quiet until April came back moments later, a bag of chips in hand.

“I’m sorry for leaving,” she said, smiling guiltily and rubbing the back of her neck. “And, uh, Cas, I was thinking… Doesn’t that tattoo look a bit satanic? Y’know, the circle and the star’s a pentagram, right?” Hannah glared at her. “What? Is there a problem?”

“Yes,” Hannah growled, standing, “ _ you _ ’ _ re _ the problem right now. That symbol is not satanic. In fact, that will allow Castiel a place in heaven. You, however…” She stepped toward her, fists clenched. “Maybe I can send you to go ask Satan if it’s a pentagram himself.” Cas got up quickly, having snapped out of his thoughts, and tried to defuse the situation.

“Hannah, what are you doing?” He put a soothing hand to her own and pulled away, surprised. “You’re- you’re burning up. Are you sick?” Hannah sighed, teeth clenched.

“I don’t know what’s happening to me.” She took deep, steady breaths. “I need to leave.” And with that she was gone, Cas and April watching as she disappeared into the crowd.

“Weird, right?” April asked. Cas gave her his own glare before walking off, April calling, “Wait, what did I say now?!”


	8. Hurt

For a while Cas couldn’t get a hold of Hannah. He’d call and email, even once tried to go to her home. He leaned back in the couch, his father watching Law and Order while writing his new crime novel, thinking of his last message. ‘ _Hannah, Metatron told me you have Mononucleosis. Was it too formal to say the whole word? Nevermind, that’s beside the point. Please call me_.’ All the others were similar. Later he found himself upstairs, pacing in front of his window, curtains open to reveal a rainy sky. ‘ _It’s me again. I’m sorry about what I said. Can you please call me?_ ’ It wasn’t too long after that when he was leaving another. “Hannah…” He didn’t know what to say. “Call me.” He hung up, standing by the phone as Charlie and Zachariah talked.  
   
“We should be back around three,” Chuck said to Cas, noticing he was still next to the phone. “Hey.” Cas turned around and looked to him. “Look, I don’t have to go out today-”  
   
“You do,” Zachariah butted in. Cas nodded.  
   
“You do. You can leave, I’ll be fine. Please be careful.”  
   
“Always am.”  
   
“Those things won’t get us, Castiel,” Zachariah told him firmly, “we’re capable.” The two left and Cas was alone. He closed his eyes and, without giving it a second thought, raced to his car and started toward Hannah’s home. When he finally got there the rain had died down slightly and he could see Hannah pacing as he pulled in. She seemed… Different. Her demeanor wasn’t the same and she wore a top that exposed her back, revealing a purple outline of wings and feathers. He got out of his car and went out to her.  
   
“Hannah?” He went over and Hannah spun around to face him. “Hannah, you got a tattoo?” They were both drenched in water. “I thought you were too sick to come outside or pick up the phone.” Hannah took a deep breath.  
   
“Castiel,” she said slowly in a soft tone, “go away.”  
   
“What?” Cas asked in disbelief.  
   
“Go away.” She began to leave when Cas held onto her arm.  
   
“What happened, please tell me.” He bit his lip. “Did Anna bother you? Is she why you haven’t been in touch?”  
   
“Anna’s trying to help me. I don’t blame her.” Hannah clenched her teeth. “But do you want someone to blame?” Suddenly her eyes gave him a cold, piercing stare, more intense than the rainfall. “Blame the black-eyed ones you used to be so friendly with.”  
   
“Wh-what?” Cas said, taken aback.  
   
“You know, the Winchesters?” Cas went silent.  
   
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he lied.  
   
“Yes, you do, Castiel.” She pulled her arm away from his grip. “You’ve been lying to everyone about it. But you can’t lie to me. Not anymore.” Someone called her name from the distance and Cas looked over to see the rest of the group; Michael, Gadreel, Gabriel, Anna, and one blond-haired man. Hannah glanced to them and then redirected her attention to Cas. “We can’t be friends anymore.” Cas’ heart nearly stopped.  
   
“Hannah, I know I’ve been cruel, and it’s… It’s killing me! It kills me to do that to you. Please, give me some time or-”  
   
“It’s not you.”  
   
“‘It’s not you, it’s me’, right? Really?”  
   
“It’s true, Castiel. It is me. I’m not… good. Good for you. I used to be, not anymore. This doesn’t even matter, anyway. This is over.”  
   
“You can’t break up with-” Cas stopped himself. “You’re my best friend. You promised me. I can’t deal with any more broken promises.” Tears came to Cas’ eyes, blending with the rain. “Dean made a promise that he wouldn’t leave and he broke it. You can’t too.” Hannah’s lip trembled slightly.  
   
“I know I promised I would never hurt you. And this is me keeping it. Go home and never come back unless you want to be hurt.” Hannah then turned and ran to her friends, Cas standing there alone, shocked.


	9. Shell

‘ _Sam, things are… things are bad again_.’ Cas thought of the meadow. He couldn’t help it. Just by saying his name a flood of memories came back and he knew he had to go to it. Maybe for a sliver of happiness, he had to. Cas had packed a bag and searched through the woods. ‘ _Without Hannah I can’t take it. And I don’t see him anymore. It really does feel like he never existed_.’ Cas kept going, climbing over fallen trees. ‘ _I need to find a place where I can_.’ He finally came upon what looked like the meadow, now barren and empty. Despite the leaves and trees around it being green and filled with life, the patch was yellow and grass decayed. His heart crumbled when he saw it and he kneeled, gasping. His only place… He stood again, then saw someone. Dark hair, mischievous smile, purple jacket. “Hey, Clarence.”

Cas’ brain finally registered the name. “Meg.” She stood at the other side of the once-was-meadow, and in the blink of an eye she was mere feet from him.

“I didn’t think I’d find you here.” Cas stayed quiet. “I went to visit those pesky boys but their house was empty. Family?” She snapped her fingers, Cas following her with his eyes as she began to pace around him, a predator around prey. “Gone. I’m surprised they left you behind. Aren’t you their pet, or something?” She gave a small, sly smile. Cas nodded slowly.

“I suppose you can say that.”

“Do the Winchesters visit often?” Then, in the shell of the meadow, appeared the ghost. Him.

“Lie,” he ordered.

Cas gasped slightly, then nodded. “Very often.”

“Lie better.” Cas’ chest filled with anxiety. One wrong word and he was dead.

“I’ll tell them you stopped by. You probably shouldn’t be here because…” Cas had to swallow, holding back his tears. “Dean is very protective of me.” Meg laughed.

“He’s far away, isn’t he?” Cas paused, but the apparition didn’t say anything. He found it had disappeared.

“Why are you here?” Cas countered.

“It’s a favor to Amara.” Cas stepped toward her, intrigued.

“Amara?”

“Yeah. She wanted me to see if you were still under their protection. She thinks it’s fair to kill Dean’s mate since he killed hers. I gotta agree. An eye for an eye.” Cas’ gaze shot to his left when the ghost appeared beside him.

“Threaten her.” Cas licked his lips, finding courage.

“He’ll know who did it,” he said quickly, “and he’ll go after you.” Meg shrugged and chuckled.

“I don’t think he will, Clarence,” she said in a sing-song manner, “after all, how much could you mean to him if he left you alone, without defense?” She tisked at herself. “Amara won’t like it. She won’t like me doing it and not her.” Cas gasped again, this time from fear. “I can’t help myself, though. You’re so tempting.”

“Please don’t,” Cas begged, though there wasn’t much desperation in his voice. Before he could say any more, Meg had come to be in front of him and cupped his cheek gently.

“Don’t be afraid, Clarence. This is a good thing,” Meg cooed. She leaned in to whisper into his ear, “Amara wanted to rip your soul out piece by agonizing piece. I’ll do it all at once. I promise.” She pulled back and looked him in the eye. “You won’t feel a thing.” Cas closed his eyes as she ripped open his shirt, palm against his bare chest.

“Dean, I love you,” he murmured, knowing Meg was about to plunge her hand to take his soul when there was a rustling sound. Meg stilled, looking toward it.

“No…” There was a large ringing that assaulted his ears and a creature surrounded by a blue light came out from the foliage. It was large and had what Cas could see as multiple heads and wings on its back. Cas saw this one had six large and white wings, a long silver blade in its hand. It growled at her and Cas took a few steps away, similar creatures emerging. Meg turned and ran, the things following. Cas nearly fell, trying to leave when one came up to him. It looked him in the eye, Cas finding a familiarity in its blue irises. It then followed the others by flying, Cas seeing purple wings.

He was nearly paralyzed as Meg fought them off, kicking one with such force that it hit the ground nearby him, the battle now on the other side of the wasteland. He turned and ran, going home as fast as he could. He was panting by the time he burst into the kitchen, heart pounding. “F-father!”

“What, Cas?” Chuck looked up from his work, Zachariah turning from where he was looking out the window.

“The things are real! The things in the woods! I saw them!”

“What were you doing in the woods?” Chuck questioned, brows knit.

“They were these- these things doused in light and they had wings, they were humanoid and I don’t- I can’t make sense of them!” Cas rambled.

“Are you sure?” Zachariah confirmed, glancing to Chuck.

Cas nodded, cooling down. “Yes. They were after-” He was about to say Meg when he thought better, completing the sentence with, “something.”

“Alright. Zach?” The other man turned to him. “We gotta go hunting. Gather some of your friends?”

“Of course.” Chuck stood as Zachariah left the room, taking out his phone. Cas had to wonder; who would win the fight? If Meg won, she’d leave and tell Amara he wasn’t being guarded. He took in a sharp breath.

“I should go to the station,” Chuck said, going out of the room.

“Yes, you should,” Cas agreed.

“Stay in the house?” Cas nodded, feeling panic and dread setting in. Just thinking about Amara made him frightened. That night, as he slept, he dreamed about her. He woke up when he heard a tapping at his window. He heard it a few times before he stood and looked out, seeing Hannah.

“Castiel!” she whisper-yelled.

“You scared me,” Cas whispered in response, opening the window.

“Move back. I’m coming up.” Without much effort Hannah climbed up the tree nearby his window and slipped through. Cas stared at his feet, not caring about the fact that he was shirtless. “Castiel, I’m sorry for what happened.”

“For what?” he asked, looking back up at her.

“I can’t explain. I really can’t.” She went over toward the dream catcher, looking it over without touching. “Have you ever had a secret you couldn’t tell anyone. A secret that didn’t even belong to you?” She turned back to him, a look in her eye that told him to answer.

“I have.”

“That’s what it’s like for me.” Hannah sighed. “But worse.” She went back over to him. “The pressure I’m under at the moment is immense.” Cas put a hand to her shoulder.

“I don’t like what they’ve done to you. You’ve become distant, and, well…” Cas actually cracked a small smile. “The wings may be beautiful but I never thought you would get them.” Hannah placed her hand on Cas’, then moving them both to Cas’ heart. She frowned when she noticed a large scar across Cas’ chest. Cas quickly tried to hide it by putting his arm over it, a remainder and a reminder of what Lucifer had done to him. Hannah looked up at him, setting her jaw.

“The worst part is you already know.” They were both quiet, Hannah seemingly waiting for an explanation. “Castiel, do you remember when we talked at the church and…”

“The story about the Winchesters.” Hannah nodded sadly.

“I suppose that would be the only part you remembered.” She went toward his desk, leaning against it and sighing.

“Maybe there’s something you could do-” Cas started.

“No. I can’t escape this. It’s my life.”

“Then maybe we should go away for a while. You and me.”

“You would do that?” Hannah asked, puzzled. The weight of the words finally hit Cas but he still nodded.

“I would do it for you,” he assured. She turned away and looked at his pictures hanging from a corkboard.

“It’s not something I can just run away from. I would run away with you if I could.” There was another pause. “I have to go. They’ll be wondering where I am.” Hannah’s hands fiddled with each other, Cas letting out a slow breath.

“Come here,” he murmured, pulling her against him in a hug. She looked up, surprised, and returned the embrace.

“Try to remember, please,” Hannah mumbled. “It would be so much easier if you knew.” They pulled away, Cas almost saddened by the loss.

“I tried, Hannah, but…” Hannah began to leave, Cas calling after her. “Hannah…?” He looked out the window to see she had somehow gotten down to the ground from the second story window with ease. She ran off, Cas left wondering what was going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY I HAVEN'T POSTED!


	10. True Form

Cas woke up in the woods. He sat up and looked around, seeing Dean. “I’m scared,” Cas told him. Dean nodded.

“You should be.” Cas heard the ringing sound and saw Hannah, quickly standing. He walked forward but stopped, Hannah’s story coming back to him and echoing in his head. ‘ _Descended from angels’_.

He awoke with a start and gasped quietly, finding himself in his bed. Everything felt so familiar as he put on his clothes. He looked down to the trench coat and tie he had received as gifts and pulled them on, going out to his car and driving to Hannah’s place. What he was saying or thinking, he didn’t exactly know. When he got there Metatron met him at the door. “I need to see her,” he said without context, yet Metatron nodded in understanding.

“She’s not here.” Cas thought for a moment before squeezing through the space the man left between himself and the wall.

“I’m sorry, I need to see her.” Metatron tried to go after him but he soon found the bedroom door open a crack, looking through to see Hannah laying on her side in bed. Cas opened the door slowly but heard a ringing, looking out the window to see the others approaching. He stormed out of the house and marched straight to the group, angry.

“What did you do to her?!” he yelled at them, mostly at Anna. He went right up to her. “What did you do to her?! She didn’t want this!”

“She didn’t want this?” Anna repeated, filled with rage.

“She tells me nothing because she’s afraid of what you’ll do!” Anna started laughing mockingly, Cas gritting his teeth. “She’s more of a damn woman than you’ll ever be, you bitch!” He’d never really sworn before but he didn’t regret it. She started breathing heavily.

“No stopping her now,” Gadreel commented.

“Cassie, get back, now!” Gabe ordered. Cas began to run back when her body morphed and she became one of the large creatures he saw in the woods.

“Castiel!” Hannah lept over the fence of a small patio and raced toward him.

“Run, Hannah, run!” As they passed each other Cas ducked, Hannah jumping and landing as an entirely different person. Cas had fallen and turned around, eyes wide when he saw the purple-winged creature fighting against Anna. Cas watched, scared, as they punched and slashed, kicking each other around and into the woods. Cas panted, Michael looking over.

“Take Castiel back to Hael’s home,” he told the remaining two. Gadreel and Gabriel went over to Cas as Michael headed where the dueling girls - if Cas could even call them that anymore - had gone.

“I guess the angel’s out of the bag,” Gabe joked, helping Cas up.

 

* * *

 

_‘Sam… Is it possible that everything we’ve been told throughout our lives is true? The tall tales and horror stories. Is it possible that nothing has ever been or will ever be what people consider normal?_ ’ Cas stayed in the back seats of his car for a few moments, Gadreel and Gabriel hopping out from the front casually. They strolled toward a cabin, Cas slightly shocked. He got out and held the door, ready to get back in if necessary. “Maybe we should go see if Hannah is alright?”

“Wouldn’t be surprised if Hannah got a few of her feathers torn off,” Gadreel said with a shrug.

“No way! Hannah’s a freaking natural. Didn’t you see her unleash her true form like that? Bet ya ten chocolate bars that Anna doesn’t get a single shot on her. C’mon, Cas, we won’t bite!”

“Speak for yourself,” Gadreel muttered, punching his arm in a friendly way. Cas sighed and closed the door, going inside. Before he could get in, Gadreel stopped him. “Listen, don’t mention anything about Hael, Michael’s fianceé, and don’t stare, please.”

“Why would I stare?” Cas wondered. He walked through an open door to see a kitchen, living room and a table set with food and drinks.

“Hungry? Like I need to ask. You may be angels but you’re ravenous wolves.” A dark haired woman laughed, placing a tray of muffins onto the table. She turned to Cas and revealed a deep gash on her chest, peeking over her shirt. Cas tried not to show his shock and she self-consciously lifted the collar of her shirt to cover it. “Who’s this pretty thing?”

“That’s Castiel Novak. Call him Cas,” Gabe told her, biting hungrily into a muffin. She smiled.

“So you’re the demon boy.” He walked in, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Does that make you the angel girl?” Cas was surprised at how fast he had accepted the fact. Hannah and her friends were angels. That should’ve made him more confused, but he had already been through this once. Hael chuckled.

“I guess so. I’m partly and engaged to one if it counts.” She noticed Gabe eating his way through a second muffin. “Save some for the others, would you?” She turned back to Cas. “Muffin?”

“Oh, of course. Thank you.” Gadreel handed him one and he held it for a second, biting into it carefully.

“Leave it to Hannah to find a way around the gag order,” Gabe said through a mouthful.

Cas swallowed. “But she didn’t say anything to me.”

“But now you know, so.” Gadreel shrugged. “We have to listen, it’s an angel thing. The rules are followed no matter what happens.”

Gabe sat up, excited. “Get this; we can hear each other’s thoughts.”

“Be quiet!” Gadreel said, punching his arm, “these are supposed to be secrets! Remember, this human dances with demons!” Cas blinked and licked his lips, trying to find something to say on the matter.

“It’s not too easy to dance with them, sometimes,” he said quietly, keeping away the thoughts of the dance, “with the chests close and all that.” Hael laughed a bit. “Because of the souls. They need them.”

“Guess what, Cassie? We don’t; we’re _good_.” Cas was silent for a second. “Freaked out yet?” Cas was about to respond when another man came in, waving. “Yo, Balthy! Cas, meet Balthazar. Balthazar, Cas.” Cas waved back to him as he sat and took a muffin. “Seriously, Cas, weirded out?”

Cas shook his head. “You aren’t the first supernatural beings I’ve met.”

“I guess Hannah was right. You’re good with all the weird things,” Balthazar chimed in. Michael came in moments later and went up to Hael, giving her a hug.

“Hello,” he murmured, kissing her. Hael giggled as he kissed everywhere available. Not too long after that Hannah came in, a smirk on her face and Anna followed with a pout, arms crossed. Cas exchanged a glance with Hannah as the red-haired girl sat at the table, shooting a glare at Cas. Hannah gave a small nod and Cas understood the message. It finally occurred to him that he had gone from one end of the spectrum to the other. From Hell to Heaven. A sad thought came to him; maybe Dean had wanted that all along.


	11. Truth

Cas and Hannah made their way back to the church, the building being not too far away. Cas had his hands in his pockets and Hannah was looking to him expectantly. “Well?” she asked, breaking the quiet as they strolled through the back, stopping by the tree Cas had learned the story at.

“So… you’re an angel.” Hannah rose her eyebrow at him, as if anticipating something more. He had already gone through something like this once.

“Yes. I am. The majority of us are. For some the genes activate faster than the others.” She smiled a little. “Anna had heard voices in her head, the voices of other angels. We all thought she was crazy, even I did until I started hearing them.” Her smile disappeared as quickly as it had come. “Until I changed. Mostly it happens when a black-eyed one comes near and it soon sets in.”

“That’s why you were so hot and agitated?”

“I wish it was just that, Castiel, I really do.” Hannah sighed sadly.

“Well, if you don’t like it, can’t you just… stop?” Cas realized the insensitivity to his words. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” Hannah nodded.

“I understand. The thing is, it isn’t something I can change. I was born to become this.” She looked to him, quizzical. “Am I not the right kind of creature for you?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just…” Cas thought for a way to broach the topic carefully, not wanting to once again be tactless. “The angels have been killing people, haven’t they?” He decided not to say ‘you’, not wanting to hurt Hannah by including her in the possibly-murderous group.

“We’re not.”

“Then who is?” Cas wondered, confused.

“The people we’re trying to protect you all from. The one thing we kill are demons.” Cas suddenly felt a small form of panic, then feeling a bit depressed when he remembered Dean was safe. He wasn’t there. Hannah could easily tell he was frightened, finding his hand and linking their fingers. “We won’t hurt your Winchesters. Unless, of course, they violate our covenant.”

“It isn’t what I mean,” Cas said, shaking his head, “the demons, they can hurt you. I’ve… I’ve been witness to that.” Cas put a hand to his chest, balling his shirt in his fist.

“You don’t have to worry. We took care of the other one with ease. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

“Meg?” Cas was surprised; he thought she could have beaten them all and was well on her way to alert Amara by then.

“Yes. And now the dark-haired one is next on our list.”

“Amara,” Cas muttered, staring at the ground. “She was here?”

“She was. We chased her for a while a few nights ago. She keeps coming back and we don’t know what she wants.”

“I do. She wants me.”

“You?” Hannah asked, concerned.

“It’s a long story.” Cas didn’t know how exactly to tell it. It truly was long, filled with pain and distress and everything he wasn’t ready to face at the moment. He could barely even say his name without crying. Hannah nodded, a kind look in her gaze.

“We’ll keep her away, then.” The next two words made Cas shudder. “I promise.”


	12. Phone Call

Cas got home late that night with Hannah by his side. As they walked up the driveway Hannah assured him that everything was okay. “You and Chuck will be safe. We have everything under control.”

“Be careful, please. She’s crafty and devious.” Hannah chuckled.

“You have such little faith in us.” Cas shook his head quickly.

“No! It’s just… I don’t want you hurt.” They stopped by the door.

“I should go,” Hannah said, a hint of disappointment in her tone. Cas nodded. “We have a demon to kill.” Cas waved slightly as she left, going down the street quickly. He went inside and to his computer, typing a message. ‘ _Sam, I’m okay. Except for when I’m alone. And, as of late, it’s every moment._ ’ It truly was; Cas didn’t interact with his friends much anymore. He sat by his car one day, looking to the parking spot. If he tried, he could still imagine the purring of the Impala and see Dean coming out of it to greet him, and - if he was lucky - he could still hear his voice. ‘ _Hannah’s gone. She’s hunting Amara. And father is hunting Hannah. And you’re gone. And he’s gone too. I… I have nothing now._ ’ Cas prayed to the angels, mostly to Hannah, that Chuck would be okay. He was hunting that day and Cas was more than scared that Amara would get to him.

Later that day he sat in his room again in front of his computer. ‘ _But, I suppose, if it’s any consolation, then I know what I have to do to see him again_.’ He went downstairs out the door and to his car, driving to a small bank and parking nearby. He knew his objective. Find someone and bring them to justice. Just like the other angels had been doing. Cas waited until nightfall, walking around. He came upon an alleyway and could’ve sworn he saw the rippling of a dark dress nearby and heard ringing. Cas looked on to see the dark dress had vanished and he decided he was being paranoid. At that moment he heard someone begging and another yelling.

“Give me the bag!” Cas knew that turning down the alley would be a deathwish.

“Don’t do this.” Those were the words in _his_ voice that drove him to. Going weaponless was wrong, he knew that. He paused, staring down it and at the man trying to take a woman’s purse. He maybe even spotted the shining of a knife. He peeked to his side and saw the ghost again.

“You wanted me to be human,” he murmured. “This is what humans do.” He began to walk down silently.

“Please, don’t do this, Cas. You know it’s dangerous. Don’t. For me.”

“There’s no other way for me to see you. This is my only chance. I’m taking it.” Cas pulled off his coat and dropped it to the side, the man hearing the rustling of cloth.

“Get outta here, runt,” the man snarled, throwing the woman to the ground. Cas grit his teeth.

“You give her the bag back right the hell now,” he growled authoritatively, the display of cruelty angering him. The mugger only laughed, putting down the bag as he walked over and then pushed him back.

“Get outta here before I gotta hurt you.” The woman scrambled to stand and Cas gave her a nod, the woman promptly running off and grabbing her fallen purse. “You sunnuva bitch.” The man threw a punch but Cas caught it, giving one of his own. It hit the man in the face and his nose began to bleed. Cas felt triumphant - that is, until he whipped out a knife. Cas’ eyes widened and the man smirked, holding it up. He was about to strike when Cas moved away, the point digging into the wall. The man grit his teeth and rushed at him, Cas unable to dodge the move. He was pinned to the wall and was helpless as he was punched, kicked, scratched, bruised and cut. The man finally had enough, dropping him onto the ground and leaving him to bleed. Cas felt a rush from it, he really had, but now his body hurt and he couldn’t move. His vision blurred slightly and he saw the dark dress approaching, hands gripping his shoulders and slamming his head onto the ground, knocking him unconscious. As he went under, he saw Dean laying beside him.

Cas didn’t know how long it was before he woke up. The next thing he knew, however, was that Hannah had one hand to his cheek and the other to his arm. Cas groggily looked up and noticed a light coming from her hand, the wounds closing under it. “Castiel?” Hannah finished treating his injuries and helped him sit up. She suddenly became mad at him, yelling, “What were you thinking?!”

“I wanted to test something,” Cas answered vaguely. He saw Michael at the end of the alley, the part he had entered from.

“Take him home, the rest of us are going to Zachariah’s house.” He then left, Cas furrowing his brow.

“What happened to Zachariah?” Hannah let out a small breath.

“He had a heart attack while hunting,” she said softly, taking his hand. Cas allowed her to assist in getting him to stand up. “Chuck and Metatron are at his house with his family.”

“Is he alright?”

“He’s… Castiel, he’s gone.” Cas blinked a few times in recognition, Hannah leading him to the car. Cas glanced over his shoulder and, for a moment, had a glimpse of a dark-haired woman frowning angrily.

* * *

 

Hannah drove Cas’ car as he traced a place on his neck where a bruise should have been. He wondered how it disappeared, glancing to Hannah. “You can heal wounds?”

“Yes, we can,” Hannah replied, eyes on the road. “Our Grace, what makes us angels, allows us to.”

“It must be nice. Not having to have injuries for that long and all. Automatic healing.”

“It happens like that, kind of.” Cas shrugged.

“I feel as if the healing is your power, not the group’s,” he said, “I see it as something Hannah Johnson would do; not Gadreel or Gabriel or anyone else.” She smiled. “You’re a kind person.” They pulled up to Cas’ house, Hannah looking over to him as she parked.

“It’s nice now that you know about me.” Cas waited, knowing there was something more to the statement. Hannah sighed. “Too curious and smart for your own good.” She seemed tense. “You saw what happened to Hael. Anna was jealous of her and got angry, supposing having her soul would make Michael love her. Luckily someone was there to stop her, but it was almost too late. They had to purify her enough so she’d live, but now she’s part angel. What if something like that happens to you? What if I’m the cause of it?” There was a small silence. “Sometimes...” She paused, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “I feel like I’m going to disappear.”

“I won’t let you,” Cas said gently, putting an arm around her and pulling her closer. “And I know that you couldn’t hurt me like Anna did Hael. You’re nothing like her.”

“I am. I’m an angel.”

“Hannah, you’re a better angel than she could ever dream of being. A better anything. You are kinder and wiser, more like the kind of angel that would protect humanity as opposed to leaving it to suffer.” Cas hadn’t noticed their faces drifted closer, lips about to touch when Hannah pulled away. Cas felt his body growing hot from guilt and embarrassment. “Thank you,” he said quickly, feeling as if he had to leave, “for everything.” He opened the door when Hannah put a hand to his arm, stopping him.

“Wait!” Cas went back into the car and closed the door. “There’s a demon.”

“How do you know?”

“I can see its true form. It’s a horrible thing to look at.” She started the car. “I’m getting you away from here.” Cas looked around and spotted a car.

“That’s… That’s Mary’s car. They’re here!” He got out of the car, hopeful, Hannah going after him.

“It’s a trick, Castiel, stop! You have to come with me.” She took hold of his arm and he spun around to face her, both staring at each other.

“They won’t hurt me,” Cas reminded her in a firm tone.

“If a Winchester is in there, this is their land. The covenant says we can only defend our own territories. I can’t protect you here.”

“It’s alright, you don’t have to.” Hannah huffed out an angered breath from frustration.

“You’re about to cross a line.”

“Then don’t make a line to cross. Please.” Hannah loosened her grip and Cas ran inside, looking around the darkened house. He turned on the lights and gasped to see Sam standing near him. “Sam!”

“You’re dead,” Sam said to himself, perplexed. Cas felt the overwhelming urge to hug him and actually did. “Cas, what the hell?” He pulled away and shook his head, heart beating like a jackrabbit.

“I- I can’t believe you’re here! Is- is-”

“Would you mind explaining to me how you’re alive?!” Sam questioned, Cas’ eyes widening slightly.

“What?”

“I got a vision. You tried to fight off a mugger. Why the hell would you put yourself in danger? What if you’d gotten killed?! Do you know what it would’ve done to Chuck, to-”

“I didn’t mean to put myself in that kind of danger. I was trying to save someone from being hurt. I felt like a hero.” Sam scoffed.

“Like that’s an excuse.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I swear to Crowley, I’ve never met someone who’s more prone to life-threatening stupidity. And trust me, I know Dean!” Cas expression became filled with sadness at the mention. They both sighed.

“Did you tell him?” he inquired almost silently.

“No. He only calls every few months. He said he wants to be alone.” Sam suddenly grunted. “Why is there all this ringing in my ears?!”

“Oh, it’s, um…” Cas’ hands fiddled with each other. “It’s Hannah.”

“Hannah who?”

“Hannah Johnson. She’s an angel.” Sam rolled his eyes.

“Cas, angels are not good company to keep.” Cas swallowed thickly when Hannah came into the room, Sam not noticing her.

“Speak for yourself, demon.” Sam’s head turned to her. “I had to make sure you were safe.” Cas nodded.

“I thought you couldn’t protect me here.”

“I really couldn’t care less at the moment.” Sam crossed his arms.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking, ‘cause I’m not gonna hurt him.” Hannah gave him a look of suspicion.

“No, you’re just a harmless Winchester. Not the other black-eyed one. You know, the one who wants to kill Castiel because of you and your family.”

“Amara?” Sam asked, attention toward Cas.

“Yes, she’s been around.” Sam ran a hand through his hair, utterly confused.

“I didn’t see her. Or you getting saved! I… I can’t see past any of you righteous asses.” He noticed something peeking over Cas’ shirt and pulled it down. He saw the tattoo and his teeth clenched. “Why did you get this?!”

“Hannah wanted me to. Is something wrong?”

“This is an anti possession symbol!” He turned to Hannah, hands balled into fists. “You son of a-”

“Don’t get me angry,” Hannah threatened, “or things will get very, very ugly.” Cas went to stand by the area in between them.

“Stop this. Alright?” They both went quiet.

“I’ll, uh, give you a minute,” Sam said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You will come back, right?” Cas asked, not wanting him to leave again. Sam nodded.

“Just as soon as you send her off to her cloud.” He teleported away and he and Hannah were left alone, Hannah instantly firing off questions.

“Is he here?” Cas shook his head. “How many Winchesters are here and how long are they staying?” Cas gave her a small shrug in response.

“It’s just Sam. And he can stay as long as he likes.” He went into the kitchen, Hannah following.

“Are the rest coming back?”

“No. Not that I know of.” He put a lone dish into the sink, turning to her. “Anything else you need to know?”

“That’s all.”

“Then you should leave.” Cas went over to the fridge, opening it and looking it over.

“I did it again, didn’t I?” Hannah asked herself, “I broke my promise again.”

“It’s not the first time I’ve had a promise to me be broken,” Cas muttered. He closed the refrigerator door and leaned against it, sighing. “We shouldn’t have to do this to one another.” There was a pause.

“Yes, we do,” Hannah said, breaking the silence. She walked closer to him, the pair nearly pressed against each other. “Castiel… Stay with me… Forever.” They leaned in again, about to kiss when the phone rang. Hannah pulled back, clearly annoyed, and picked it up. “Shurley and Novak residence.” Cas wondered who was calling, listening for anything. “No, he’s not here. He’s arranging a funeral.” The only indication that the call ended was something smashing, Hannah hanging up.

“Who was it?” Cas questioned.

“Something is always in the way,” she muttered.

“Who was it?” he repeated. Hannah moved away and Sam popped back in, clearly worried.

“Cas, it’s Dean. He thinks you’re dead. Lisa told him why I came here.” Cas looked over to Hannah, realizing what she was hiding. A sudden anger came up from deep within him and he grit his teeth.

“Why didn’t you let me speak to him?!”

“He didn’t ask for you!”

“I don’t give a damn!” Sam pulled Cas back, putting hands on his shoulders and looking him in the eye.

“Cas, he’s going to the Trio. He thinks he can truly never see you again. He’s going to provoke them in a suicide mission.” Cas nodded and they began to leave the house, Sam transporting into his car and starting it. Hannah chased after him.

“Castiel, he left you! He doesn’t want you, remember?”

“I don’t care if he does or doesn’t,” Cas said coldly, shaking his head, “I won’t let him die from misplaced guilt. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if he did.” He opened the car door.

“What about Chuck?”

“I’m eighteen, Hannah. I can legally go wherever I please. Sam left a note.”

“Please, Castiel, stay here. For Chuck. For me.”

“I have to go,” Cas said slowly and without a hint of compassion, his mind made up. Hannah had a look of desperation in her eyes.

“I’m begging you,” she said quietly, “please.”

Cas set his jaw. “Goodbye, Hannah.” He got into the car and slammed the door, Hannah walking away. Sam looked to him as he strapped in, nodding before speeding off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday, Misha :D


	13. Trio

It only took a few hours before they had reached their destination. The pair ended up in another state where a large party was being held near a gate. They had pulled over for gas when Sam’s head began to pound. “Cas, it’s- it’s… He’s gone to them.”

“What is it?” he asked, nearly chewing off his lip, “what are they doing?”

“Cain is trying to offer him position as a Knight again. He said no. They’re not trying to stop him.” As soon as the tank was filled they raced against the clock, Cas’ desperation growing by the second. “He’s gonna show them what he is. He’s gonna- holy crap.”

“What, what?” Sam looked to him, fear in his eyes.

“He’s gonna take a pure soul. In front of everyone at noon.”

“Then hurry up, please!” Sam nearly smashed his foot on the pedal. They drove through the streets past people in all different outfits, struggling to get through. Cas could see they were all wearing something in common; his tattoo. “Why are they all wearing it?”

“To celebrate the expulsion of demons. How ironic.” Cas put his hands to his head, worried.

“Five minutes!” They tried to continue but were stopped, Cas jumping out.

“Cas, you’re the only one he can’t see coming, you have to get to the tower.” Cas ran as fast as he could, looking around and through the crowds. His steps got frantic and breathing heavy as he navigated around, following his dream. People were chanting in celebration, Cas seeing the clocktower. He pushed past people in a hurry, losing his coat. Tears came to his eyes as he saw the clock chime, Dean stepping out of the doors, looking toward a girl. He was about to move forward, hand outstretched and ready to kill. Cas jumped over a fountain and his chest heaved, diving into Dean before he had a chance to do anything.

“Don’t!” Dean looked startled, eyes black as he pushed Cas back slightly to look at him.

“Is this my Hell?”

“Dean, move, now!”

“No, there isn’t any point, you’re-”

“Look at me, Dean!” Cas swallowed, having lost moisture in his mouth. Dean’s eyes changed with an audible _flick_ and he searched, eyes widening. “I’m alive, you have to move inside, now!” Cas pulled him inside the tower and Dean pulled him close, the two clinging to each other.

“You’re here,” Dean muttered, still partially in disbelief. Cas nodded quickly.

“I’m here.” Dean smiled.

“Cas, I- I missed you so much. You’re alive.”

“Yes.” They both began to relax, nearly crying. Dean put an arm around Cas’ back and kept him against his chest. “I needed you to see me again. You didn’t have to die from guilt. I can let you go now.” Dean shook his head.

“You didn’t have to in the first place.” Dean buried his nose in Cas’ hair. “I didn’t want to live in a world where I couldn’t see you. Where you didn’t exist. I lied when I said I didn’t want you. I need you. I just had to lie to protect you.”

“Why do you need me? I’m nothing, I’m only human,” Cas said, moving back a fraction. “I’m just a fleeting being in your life.”

“Cas, you’re my damn everything.” Dean tilted Cas’ chin up to kiss him, both having missed the feeling. They pulled away, glad to have each other. Their happiness didn’t last long, two people stepping out from the shadows. Dean kept Cas against him in a tight grip, Cas knowing to be scared. They were demons, eyes cold. “I don’t need your help anymore.”

“The King and Knights want to speak with you again,” one said.

“I didn’t break any rules,” Dean shot back.

“Still, we should take the conversation to somewhere private.”

“Fine. Cas, go out and enjoy the party.”

“The human comes with us.”

“Go to Hell, you sons of bitches!” Dean spat.

“C’mon, guys, it’s a party.” Dean and Cas turned to see Sam had appeared. “Don’t wanna make a scene.”

“We wouldn’t.”

“Enough.” All heads looked toward the woman who walked into the hallway and was nearing them, hair blonde and eyes a milky white color.

“Lilith,” Sam growled.

“Crowley sent me to see what was taking so long,” she explained, looking to the two demons who hadn’t yet done their job. Cas shrunk inside when the woman’s eyes were revealed to have been rolled back into her head as she walked out, expecting them to follow. Dean kept an arm around Cas as they were herded by the demons, who stayed behind them.

“Listen to what she says,” Sam muttered to Cas, who nodded and understood the message. Cas felt an overwhelming sense of hopelessness as they were brought to a staircase leading down somewhere dark.

“Don’t be scared, baby,” Dean whispered to him, “it’s fine, we’re just… well, going to Hell.” Cas blinked a few times, then looked up at him.

“Are you scared?”

“No.” Lilith scoffed. The staircase went down for what Castiel felt like were hundreds of steps. He had tried to count but lost track, instead focusing on how much hotter it became and how there were approaching screams and light. They had finally gotten down to Hell, Cas hearing jeers about his humanity coming from the demons within torture chambers. He shivered, Dean pressing a protective kiss to the top of Cas’ head. Two large doors were opened to a grand throne room with four demons inside; three sitting, one standing.

“I send you to get one and you come back with two,” another white-eyed demon drawled. Cas glanced around the room apprehensively, the demon spotting him and smiling. “And a snack. Great job.” Lilith went over to her brother while Cas, Sam and Dean were forced to stand in front of the three royals.

“This is great,” the first demon said with a British accent, “darling Castiel is alive after all.”

“Isn’t that great,” the second repeated, this one with a grey beard and hair the same color, “what a nice little happy ending.” He stood, walking over to them.

“Happy endings are rare,” the first added. Dean held out his hand with a roll of his eyes and the demon took it, nodding to himself. He let go and trained his eyes on Cas.

“Your soul is so tempting for him, isn’t it?” he asked rhetorically, raising an eyebrow. “Makes me hungry for a soul just by looking at it.”

“Cain can read every thought with a single touch,” Dean told him. Cas gave a short, frightened nod. He tried to stand up straight and not look afraid and Dean smiled, the show convincing.

“How can you even look at him?”

“It gets easier,” Dean said with a shrug.

“I can see that.” Dean glared at him with a straight face.

“Now you know everything. Get on with whatever crap you wanna do.” Cain chuckled.

“You’re good at reading others, but…” He took a few paces and stopped in front of Cas. “You can’t read him, huh?”

“That’s odd,” the first demon said, the red-haired one remaining quiet.

“Can I see?” Cain questioned. Cas gulped. “I want to know if my power doesn’t work on you.” Cas leaned against Dean, Cain holding out his hand. “Please?” Dean nodded to him and Cas stepped forward, letting him take his hand. Cain smirked. “Interesting. Huh. I see… nothing.” He let go and Cas instantly went back to Dean, Cain turning and walking toward his seat. “I have an idea,” he said, turning once again to face them. “Let’s see if he’s immune to all our powers.”

“I don’t think we should,” the first casually said. Cain shot him a glare and he stayed quiet.

“Lilith?” Dean’s eyes widened and he ran to stand in front of him, Lilith grinning.

“Pain,” she said simply, and Dean stopped in his tracks and fell to his knees, body wracked in agony.

“S-stop!” Cas yelled, trying to get to him. A demon held him back as he fought. “Don’t, stop!” Sam knelt down to Dean, trying to help him up. He still couldn’t move. “Stop, just stop, please!” Cas begged, struggling in the demon’s hold. “Please!” Cain looked from Cas to Lilith.

“Lilith.” She broke eye contact with Dean and he took in gasps of air, the pain subsiding. Cain smirked again. “Go ahead.” Cas gasped, fearing the worst as the milky-eyed demon released him. Lilith kept her eyes on Cas, a horrible, evil smile on her face. Cas set his jaw and tried to be brave.

“This might hurt just a little,” she giggled. Cas nodded. “Pain.” Nothing happened. Cas felt nothing. Cain started to laugh, Lilith stopping.

“Isn’t that fun,” Cain commented, “he’s unaffected by all of us. So what do we do with you now?”

“You already know what you’re going to do, Cain,” the red-haired demons said boredly, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “He knows too much. He’s a pest.”

“That’s true, Abaddon. Alastair?” The demon in front of Cas, apparently named Alastair, chuckled darkly as he put a hand to Cas’ head. Cas wrenched his eyes shut, knowing his neck was going to be snapped when Dean rushed at him, pinning him to the floor. Cas watched helplessly as Sam tried to overpower the other demon but failed, stuck in a headlock. Alastair pushed Dean off, throwing him against the wall hard enough to crack the stone. Cas was wide eyed when Alastair turned back in his direction. Dean finally stood, stumbling slightly, and went for him again, being thrown to the other side of the room. Dean groaned from pain, Cas stepping back as another demon fought him in a flurry of movement. All Cas knew was by the time it was over, he was hyperventilating from fear as Dean was pushed to the ground, Cain letting a blade slip from his sleeve, holding it tightly.

“Please! Please, no!” Cain lifted the blade as Cas screamed. “No, please, please! Kill- kill me!” Everything stopped, Cain raising an eyebrow at him. “Kill me, not him! Take my soul!” Cain began taking steps toward him as a demon pulled Dean back, Cas’ breathing erratic.

“How unusual. You would give up your life for someone like us? A demon? A dark-souled monster?”

“Don’t touch him!” Dean yelled. “Cas, run!” Cas stayed in place, feeling courage bubbling up from inside his chest.

“You don’t know a thing about his soul,” he stated firmly. Cain glanced from Cas to Dean, then back to Cas.

“This is just horrible, isn’t it. If only it was your intention to corrupt him, right, Dean?” He glared at Castiel, eyes dark and hands clenching, ready to take his soul when Sam called out.

“Wait!” Cain paused. “Cas will be one of us! I saw it. I’ll do it myself.” The demon let go of Sam, him going forward with a scowl as Cain took his hand to verify his vision. Sam knew what he was seeing; Dean and Cas together, both with black eyes. Cain blinked.

“It’s nice to see what you see.” He stalked toward Cas, grinning. “Your gift will make a very valuable demon, won’t it, Castiel?” He stepped back, motioning to the demon to let go of Dean. “Go. Make your plans.” Dean was let go and raced back to Cas, not caring about catching his breath.

“Let’s be done with this idiocy,” the redhead declared. Cain watched intently as Dean and Cas stood beside each other, both feeling safe now that they were with one another. The woman stood from her throne and grinned. “Our recharge will be here any second.”

“Thank you for your visit,” the first demon said, “but you should fulfill your promise soon. We don’t give second chances.” Dean hurried Cas out of the room, everyone looking after them. The pair of brothers and the human were brought back up by yet another demon, all three noticing a group of people being led down.

“Save one for me,” the demon hissed at the woman leading them. Cas shuddered, soon hearing more screams that pierced his ears with their intensity, knowing their fate was being sealed at the hands of unholy creatures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why the hell won't my computer copy and paste? Ugh, now I have to do it on my phone. Still, I hope you liked this chapter!


	14. Corruption

The screams soon became his own as he turned his voice raw in his sleep, waking up with a start when he felt a hand on his arm. His breathing slowed and he took the hand in his own, not needing to see who it was. He was comforted by the familiar ring he could see on his right hand. “You’re here,” he said, slightly tired.

“Sleep, Cas, I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise,” Dean whispered as he sat on the side of his bed, stroking his hairline with his free hand. Cas nodded, laying down and closing his eyes gently. “The only reason why I left was because I thought I was protecting you. I needed you to have a chance at a normal, happy life.”

“Why was it so easy for you to leave?”

“It wasn’t easy. Leaving you…” Dean sighed softly. “It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my entire life. I know I haven’t lived that long of a time, but-”

“I know what you mean.”

“Cas, this is a promise I swear I’ll keep. I will never break a promise to you again. I’m so damn sorry.” He glanced to the door. “Chuck’s coming.” As soon as Chuck opened the door Dean was gone.

“Hey, Castiel. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Cas said, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. Charlie leaned against the door. “You don’t have to worry.”

“The last time you said that you ran off and I didn’t see you for three days.” Cas frowned, feeling guilty.

“I’m sorry.”

“Castiel… Don’t ever do that again. Ever. And you’re grounded. Forever.” Cas nodded.

“That’s fair.” With that Chuck left the room and shut the door, Dean back in an instant. He chuckled quietly and shrugged.

“I’m technically not breaking his rules.” He went over to the side of Cas’ bed by the door, Cas moving to sit nearby. “He said I couldn’t take a step inside the door. I didn’t step.” Cas smiled slightly. “He’s not gonna forgive you as fast as last time.”

“I know.”

“Can you, about me? Forgive me? I hope you can. I can’t live without you.” Cas put a hand behind Dean’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss, slow and loving. It was his silent acceptance of apology. It was his way of saying he forgave him.

Cas pulled away, their faces close. “When Sam changes me you won’t be able to get rid of me.”

“He doesn’t have to change you,” Dean murmured, “there’re ways to keep the wool over the Trio’s eyes.” Cas shook his head.

“No.” Cas stood and pulled on his coat, noticing he was still wearing his shirt. How he had gotten his coat back he didn’t know; maybe one of them had retrieved it. “I’m going to change. It’s inevitable.” 

* * *

 __“You all know what I want. What I’ve been considering.” The entire Winchester family stood in their livingroom, Cas beside Dean. “And I know how much I’m asking of you. Well… The only way I can think of it to be fair is if we vote.”

“Cas, c’mon, you don’t want this-” Cas gave Dean a wanting look.

“Please?” Dean sighed, putting his hands in his pockets. Sam smiled and tried to cover it with his hand, Jess jabbing his side. “Sam?” he asked, wanting to know his opinion. He didn’t bother covering his kind smile.

“I already consider you a brother.” He went up to Cas and gave him a hug, Cas returning it happily. “Yes.” Sam came to stand by his side.

“I vote yes,” Jess said, giving a small nod. “It’d be nice not want to have your soul all the time.” Lisa sighed gently, looking at the ground before up at them.

“Dean, Cas… I’m so sorry for how I’ve been acting to both of you. And I’m very grateful that you could save him, Cas, but I can’t. I wouldn’t have wanted this if I had had the choice. I wish someone had voted no for me. No.”

“I vote hell yeah, brother.” Benny grinned and gave Cas a high five, Cas rubbing his hand afterward from his strength. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Cas assured him.

“I already think of you as a son,” John said with a smile. Mary went up to Cas, Dean staring at the ground.

“Why are you doing this to me?” he asked gravely, “you know what this means, Mom.” Mary took a breath, a sympathetic look on her face.

“You don’t want to live without him. There’s no other choice. I’m not losing my huggy bear.” Dean gave a weak smile. Cas blinked a few times, realizing what had just happened. He was going to be corrupted.

* * *

 

It was going to happen after graduation. It would make it easier for Chuck, Cas wanting anything but to hurt him. Dean drove Cas in the Impala down a long road, Dean wearing a glare as he looked at where he was going. Cas laid his hands in his lap and looking down. “I want you to be the one. I want you to do it.” Dean stopped the car when they saw someone standing in front of it. “Hannah?” Cas wondered aloud, shocked. She walked off toward the woods, Dean setting his jaw.

“She wants to talk to you.” Cas nodded and climbed out of the car, going after her and into the woods. It wasn’t long until she stopped, the two facing each other in the midst of trees and fallen trunks.

“So you’re still alive… For now?”

“She thinks it’s me keeping you away.” Cas looked over his shoulder to see Dean was beside him.

“You stay out of my head,” Hannah ordered, clearly angry. Dean crossed his arms.

“I know you have something to say to me. But I wanna say something first.” There was a pause. “Thank you. For keeping Cas safe when I didn’t.”

“You’re right. You didn’t,” Hannah nearly hissed. “And it wasn’t for your benefit.” Dean rolled his eyes.

“I’m still grateful,” he admitted. “But I’m here now. I’m not gonna leave his side unless he tells me to.”

“We’ll see,” Hannah challenged. “Now it’s my turn to talk.” She folded her arms in a similar fashion that Dean had. “I need to remind you of a key part in the treaty.”

“I didn’t forget.” Cas looked from one to the other.

“What key part?” he questioned, confused.

“If any of them corrupts a human, the covenant is broken,” Hannah explained.

“But what if I choose it?”

“I won’t let you,” Hannah said through clenched teeth. “You’re not going to be one of them.”

“It’s not up to you,” Cas said softly.

“You know what we’ll have to do, Castiel. I won’t have a choice.”

“Cas, c’mon,” Dean said, pulling lightly on his arm.

“Wait. Is she going to hurt me?”

“Of course not!” Hannah protested, outraged.

“Read her mind, please,” Cas murmured. Dean shook his head. Cas understood, going over to Hannah and standing less than a foot away from her.

“Hannah…” He paused, choosing his words carefully. “I love you. So, please. Don’t make me choose.” Hannah kept a straight face. “It will always be him. I’m sorry.” Hannah’s lips parted from sadness.

“Castiel.” Cas stepped back and into Dean’s awaiting arms.

“Bye, Hannah,” Dean stated. Hannah ground her teeth, stepping forward.

“You don’t speak for him!” Out of anger she shifted into her true form, growling at Dean. Cas felt almost paralyzed. He hadn’t meant to cause this.

“Cas, get out of here,” Dean pushed him away as Hannah and Dean were at a face-off, Hannah’s wings spread, ready to attack.

“Stop, stop!” Cas ran in between them, holding out his hands. “You can’t hurt one another without hurting me.” Hearing Cas’ words, Hannah turned less hostile, wings folding behind her. Cas could see his reflection in her eyes before she turned to leave. “Hannah,” he whispered, his emotions washed over by regret.

“She’s right,” Dean said, finally breaking the silence, “you shouldn’t be like us.” Cas turned to face him.

“I can’t do this alone.”

“Please, just wait. Give me five years.” Cas licked his lips and shook his head.

“It’s too long.” Dean sighed.

“Three.” Cas stayed quiet, Dean smiling a bit. “Too stubborn.”

“What are you waiting for?” Cas finally asked. Dean waited a moment, chuckling.

“I have one condition. If you want me to do it.” Cas took it into consideration.

“What’s the condition?”

“Then forever.”

“It’s what I’m asking.” Dean took a deep, slow breath. Cas wondered what he was thinking, what he was about to ask. What he said next he hadn’t expected.

“Marry me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes part two of the Ember Saga. Come back in a few weeks for the beginning of the third installment, Smoke.


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